A Satire on Diligent Mask Wearing

As I walk down the hallway at 8 a.m., there’s already a cluster of rowdy kids talking about their fantasy football teams, all while not wearing masks. I roll my eyes, but I can’t expect better because of course this group thinks ignoring safety makes them look “cool” in front of their friends.

I hold my breath as I pass clusters of students congregating in the halls to catch up on whatever hot drama they heard from others. I see girls pulling down their masks and reapplying their lip gloss while eyeing their new crush of the week. Last time I checked, wearing a mask like a chin diaper wasn’t very fashionable and it really clashes with any outfit.

During this pandemic people really take the phrase “America, the land of the free” too seriously. These kids are so caring: they share germs with one another to build the immune system. I am so glad that the youth want to challenge their white blood cells by inhaling each others’ germs.

I must admit that many teachers at school take mask wearing seriously, constantly reminding students to keep their masks on, some students more often than others.

Yes, smelling your own breath reminiscent of a school trash can sucks, and your small puberty mustache gets uncomfortably moist from your sweat, but you know what would be really unbearable? Being intubated in the hospital just to breathe.