A Complete “Guide” To Finals

“Make sure you get at LEAST 8 hours of sleep during finals week!”

Students will always prioritize getting exactly eight hours of sleep, especially when they get the sudden realization at 10:43 PM on a Tuesday night that there is a whole chapter that they forgot to study for the final tomorrow. 

When they proceed to cram all kinds of vocabulary and concepts into their brain, it has a similar effectiveness to dropping a sponge in the middle of the pacific ocean. 

Now, if that student has a zero period, they have a major advantage; their circadian rhythms have already been trained to wake up at ungodly hours in the morning. 

Early mornings coupled with the late nights stressing and studying. 

It doesn’t take hours studying for a math final to figure out that getting eight hours of sleep is easier said than done.

“Why would you cram just before the final, just remember to prepare early!”

In order to mitigate the stresses and long nights spent before their finals, students are advised to simply prepare and study earlier. 

On top of 40 hours of class time per week, homework, and studying for smaller tests and quizzes multiplied by six classes, students are now advised to review all the material they just learned every night. 

All students want to do after class and extracurriculars, after homework, is to pull out the notes and textbooks and start reviewing for the final. 

On top of this, you are also expected to get eight hours of sleep. 

Obviously, we are all robots who don’t need a life outside of school and spend all of our time regurgitating information from our textbooks onto our finals. 

The choice between enjoying literally anything that doesn’t involve spending time on reviewing information after learning it and preparing early is plain and clear for students.

“Be sure to drink water and stay hydrated!”

Performing the most basic level of survival tips for all living things is supposed to somehow be news for high school students.

 The simple task of drinking water doesn’t miraculously alleviate the mental struggles of finals that students have to endure. 

Especially during distance learning, where you are staring at a screen in the same chair you’ve been sitting in for hours.

Especially when the teacher’s voice starts to become an audible blur as another day passes in the weeks of struggling to focus in school. 

Basic hydration won’t help retain information taught over a screen months ago. 

Telling students to drink water to help perform better on their finals is like telling a firefighter that eating food will help put out more fires.